Dreams Lost
by Navale
Summary: Neo-Queen Serenity is dead, leaving Chibi-Usa (now a young woman) full of despair and a whole Kingdom resting on her shoulders. She feels lost, but can Helios help her find what she needs?


Dreams Lost  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters that originate from Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon. I am using the characters purely for a story device and hold no claim on them.  
  
  
  
It wasn't happening. It couldn't be happening. How could she leave me? I've been with her my whole life, loved her, been loyal to her. How could she just go away like this? How? I don't want to take her place. I feel that if I do, she'll disappear, never to have existed. I can't do that to her. She's too precious. I feel like my dreams are all lost. Along with her. I don't want to lose her. I want to remember her always. her and the beautiful moments we shared..  
  
"Chibi-Usa chan!" she called to me. Happily I set down my Luna P, ready to run into her arms. I brushed back my pink hair, fashioned after her very own mane of hair. I loved her hair. It was like strands of the moon flowing from her beautiful head. Maybe someday my hair would be as beautiful as hers. As I rounded the corner, she was standing there in front of one of the sparkling palace windows looking at her moon. I always called it her moon because it just seemed right. They shared elegance, intelligence, and the beautifully unique shimmer that I hoped to have someday when I grew up.  
  
"Momma!" I cried, jumping into her arms, running my hand through her silver strands as she put her arms around me in a sweet hug. Her hugs were the best. They could turn any frown I had, no matter how sad, upside down. They were warm and comforting, like sugar cookies. I loved to feeling of comfort I had when I sat in her arms. Her scent also helped to comfort me. she smelled like fresh air sprinkled with sugar. I just sat there in her arms, breathing her in, feeling so close to her. I love her so much. I hope I never have to be apart from her. Never.  
  
Silently, I wipe a tear from my face. It's so painful. The wondrous memory of her. And now it's only a memory. Because she left. She has left her people, her earth, her moon, her love, and me. I blink back a few tears, and turn back to the crystal-trimmed window. Our window. and look at her moon.  
  
She brushes back my soft pink hair out of my face, looking into my adoring eyes. Oh how I adored her! She was everything I wanted to be! So kind, loving, intelligent, and beautiful. I smiled up at her, my scarlet eyes meeting with her lovely blue ones.  
  
"Chibi-Usa chan. " she began, smiling at me as lovingly as I gazed at her. Her eyes were sparkling at me like stars and I couldn't get enough of it. I loved being with her. She set me down next to her, on the smooth marble windowsill, and turned to look back out at her moon.  
  
"Do you see that dear?" she asked, pointing out into the night sky at a ball of silver, just like the two buns atop her head. I looked out at her moon, sparkling in the pitch black of the night.  
  
"Yes momma!" I said, "Your moon is beautiful!" She laughed, her rosy cheeks sparkling with the light of her moon. She looked down at me, placing her hand across my cheek.  
  
"Yes, it's the moon. But let me tell you a secret." She said, stroking my cheek with her delicate hand. I loved her hands. They were made of silk as far as I was concerned. Papa agreed with me though, and we always talked about how she must have been created. By a strand of silk bore by the stars themselves.  
  
"What kind of secret?" I asked, gazing at her once again. I remember once, she told me a story of a maiden who had lived on the moon and the princess by her side. She described what it was like up on that silver globe. The parties, the trust, and especially the love. Supposedly the princess from the moon fell in love with a prince from the earth, and they were to be wed. It was a lovely story, how even though an evil witch ruined the happiness upon the moon, its royal court was destined to find each other again. And the prince. He found his princess, and they lived happily ever after. I love that story. I like to imagine that momma is that princess, and papa the prince. It makes me feel warm all over to think that my parents were destined for each other, entwined in fate.  
  
"About the moon." She replied, dropping her hands to her lap, which was covered in a silvery-white silk, just like her hands seemed to be.  
  
"It's not just my moon." She began, looking back out at the moon. Oh it really was as beautiful as her. They were one and the same, I was sure.  
  
"It's yours too." She finished, turning back to me and taking my hands in hers. I beamed at her. This was the best secret I ever heard, and I told her so. Giggling, I jumped up into her arms again, wrapping my arms around her swanlike neck, laughing as she began to tickle me. a smile crossing her face as I begged her to stop..  
  
Our moon. I had always thought of it as her moon. But now she wasn't here, so who was the moon now? I certaintly didn't resemble it, much less my mother. The only attribute I had was my hairstyle. I had adopted it from her, and I loved it. It was the only way I could be like her. I wasn't as beautiful as her, or as intelligent. More tears slipped down my cheeks, and they felt like fire.  
  
"Usa?" spoke a masculine voice. Only one person called me that. I turned around slowly, trying desperately to hold back my tears.  
  
"Helios." I whispered. My guardian. He had always been there to guard my dreams, and me. I loved him for it, and he knew it. But right now... now I wanted to be alone. As much as I cared for him, and wanted him to be near me, I wanted to be by myself.  
  
"Are you alright?" he asked, sitting next to me, his hand reaching up to stroke my long pink hair. It was long now, almost as long as hers had been, but still.  
  
"I.I want to be alone." I murmured, not really meaning it like I had in my head. His hand dropped from my hair, and wrapped around my shoulder tightly, pulling me close to him. He smelt like her. the fresh air sprinkled with sugar... Once again my tears burst forth, and this time I was glad that he was here with me. I buried my head into his shoulder, my arms encircling his neck just as they had to her so many times. Oh gods I missed her! How was I supposed to follow her? Be the Queen!? I could never be as wonderful as she! I'm just Usagi, first princess of the Silver Millenium! Neo-Tokyo! Not Queen! She's the queen! Was. She was the queen, but she's gone, I told myself. Sitting back slightly, I looked up to Helios, his blue hair framing his lovely eyes. I was so lucky to have him with me at a time like this. I needed someone, after all. I felt so alone it was suffocating me moment by moment.  
  
"Helios." I began, as he bent down and kissed away the tears that were still falling down my warm cheeks.  
  
"I. I don't want to replace her." I whispered, letting him continue to rid me of my tears, while more threatened to replace them.  
  
"Usa.you're not replacing her." He said, finally sitting back from my salty tears, looking me in the eyes. Oh god his eyes. the same blue as hers. I burst into tears again, burying my face into the crook in his shoulder and letting another wave of sugared tears flow through me.  
  
"Usa! What's wrong?" he asked, worriedly. His hands rubbed my back soothingly, trying to calm me down as best he could. It was so hard. memories of her came up everywhere. The moon, this window, now Helios! His scent, his eyes. He reminded me of her. He was pieces of her.  
  
"I.. I can't forget her! I see parts of her everywhere! It makes me miss her so much!" I sobbed, sitting back from his shoulder. My hand came delicately up to his face, framing his sparkling eyes.  
  
"Your eyes.." My hand came down to softly caress his neck, "Your scent. it all reminds me of her!" I cried, returning to his shoulder.  
  
"Usa." he whispered, embracing me tighter, pulling me close into his chest so that I could hear the rhythmic beating of his heart.  
  
"I may bring back memories, and so may many other people. But you." he began, and between my sobs I heard his heartbeat quicken, felt his neck tense. He was going to cry. "You. you're an even bigger part of her. You're her personality, her love, her loyalty to her people, her compassion." He finished, and just as I suspected, a tear made its way down his face and onto my hair, leaving a soft sparkle where it sad. I sat back a bit, looking into his now teary eyes.  
  
"But I'm not!" I cried. "I'm nothing like her! She's gone, and I can't take her place as queen! I. I, I don't want to replace her! I don't know what to be now without her." I sobbed, watching as his own crystal tears fell down his now flushed face. He smiled at me, his hands coming up to wipe away the new wave of tears that were falling from my eyes.  
  
"Usa. you're not replacing her, you're becoming a part of her. A part of her legacy." He said, choking back a sob as he looked into my eyes. Part of her legacy? I knew I wasn't like her, but maybe. just maybe he was right. I surely can't replace her. She was too great, too wonderful to replace. But I was her legacy.. I was the daughter of the now-deceased Queen of Neo- Tokyo. The only daughter, and the job of carrying on the kingdom rested with me.  
  
"She lives inside of you. She's not gone at all." He murmured, his hand crossing over my quickly beating heart, then running around my back to embrace me once again. This time I wrapped my arms as tightly as I could around him. My tears were slowly subsiding, while his were increasing. I turned my head to the side, laying my ear over his heart, listening intently. From this position I could see her moon. It shone brightly, lovingly, and suddenly, I didn't feel so lost. I could feel her inside me, her love, her influence, and it caused a radiant smile to cross my face. I was a part of her and her legacy, and by becoming queen I wouldn't be replacing her. I would be following her, a part of her, forever and always, as my future daughter would me. I listened quietly as Helios' tears subsided, his arms tightening around me as he rested his head atop mine. I looked back to her moon, its silvery shine suddenly seeming almost pink. and all of a sudden, it flashed, a bright light taking the sky, pink and silver entwined. I felt it enter my heart, burning with love. And I knew. I knew for sure. I lifted my head to look Helios in the eyes, and then glanced to the shimmering midnight sky.  
  
"Her moon. isn't that what you call it?" He whispered, his hand caressing mine as I reached out and took his hand in mine. I smiled brightly, and turned back to look at him. "No." I said, glancing back out at the moon. "It's our moon. Hers and mine. It always has been, and always will be." It was a part of us both, and it would live on forever, just as she always would in my heart, and the hearts of others. 


End file.
